How to get from A to B

How to get from A to B

I have never been the bravest of bike riders. I'm not one for fancy tricks or off road challenges. When I was a small boy I used to ride around "the block" and occasionally to the next block...though this involved crossing a "busy" road so I only did it if I absolutely had too. Toward the end of my Primary School years I had become a little more adventurous...don't get me wrong...I may have been a bit of a wimp on my bike but at the same time I used to climb mountains with my Dad and brothers, leap of bridges into muddy rivers, fling myself into said same rivers by ropes hung from river gum trees, and hurl down steep hills in home made billy carts. The sort of everyday adventures that would make a modern OH&S committee fall down a set of stairs. I know it sounds like a cliché to the jaded youth of today but we really did roam free across our small country town. Our Mothers didn't mind where you went or what you got up to as long as you were home for tea (dinner) or at least not long after sunset...Of course there would be the days when time got away on you and you realized that no matter how fast you ran or pedaled you would not get home in time. This was generally OK but it was considered polite to ring from your friends house or a pay-phone to tell your Mum that you were on your way (yes... there really was a time before mobile phones). One afternoon, toward the end of Fifth Class (year 5), I found myself at Sean Riley's house with another friend Bruce Phillips. It was a long ride from my home to Sean's and it involved crossing View Street to get there and back...so to this timid cyclist it was quite an adventure. We had talked too much and for too long and I found that it was getting dark. Bruce and I had said our goodbyes to Sean and were heading off home. I thought that I should probably ring Mum and tell her I was on my way. I saw the pay-phone on the corner and told Bruce that I wanted to call. I realized that I didn't have any money but Bruce assured me that he knew a secret method for getting free calls from pay-phones. Back in my day...the pay-phones had an A button and a B button. You picked up the handset dialed your number pressed A then put you money in. If the call didn't go through or no one answered you pressed the B button and your coins were refunded. Bruce said there was a method where if you dialed the number...shoved an Icy Pole stick in the slot...then pressed A you would get a free call. Well I had no money but Icy Pole sticks were a dime a dozen...they littered the ground everywhere. I decided to give it a go...I followed his instructions and dialled 4261385...shoved in the stick, pressed A then waited for my Mum to answer. All old pay-phones had this annoying habit of letting you hear the other person on the end of the line but if you hadn't paid then they couldn't hear you. I heard Mum answer and started to explain that I would be late...then I heard Mum saying "hello...Hello?" and I could tell it hadn't worked. I thought that I should just forget about it and ride home but Bruce insisted that the method should work and I had just done it in the wrong order. " Put the stick in first, pick up the handset, dial the number, wait for your Mum to answer then press A" he said. I followed his instructions and again I could hear my Mum saying " Hello?...Hello?" No matter how much I yelled into the phone she couldn't hear me...then she started to say " who is this? Why are you ringing up and not talking? You're sick. You're a disgusting pervert and I'm going to call the Police!" and with that she slammed the phone down. I was horrified that I'd upset my Mum so much and mortified that she thought I was some sort of pervert. I left the phone hanging and hopped on my bike..yelling " it doesn't work...it doesn't work!" to Bruce as a pedaled like mad to get home. I bawled my eyes out all the way. All the time saying "I'm sorry Mum. I'm not a pervert...I'm not" between sobs and snot. By the time I had gotten home I knew that I could never tell Mum it was me on the other end of the phone. I never tried the A B Icy Pole method again...but I did ride across View Street and all the blocks home without once giving them a second thought...I like to think that that was the day I became a Man.